搞笑英文话剧剧本(3)

　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【4】

　　大话西游 Big words of western tour

　　Chapter 1

　　Site：The wedding

　　Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖

　　Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.

　　牛：Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha …….

　　妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?

　　牛：Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!

　　(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)

　　牛：Let me introduce my brother to you! My bro!

　　Come here! This is my brother.

　　(牛深情地转向紫霞)

　　牛：Zixia, listen to me. I think I ‘ve fallen in love with you once I know you. I want to show my sincerity. So I request you to marry me in front of my bros. This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you. I hope you would say yes.

　　妖：I object!

　　牛：What?

　　妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover. If you can pass it, I will shout up!

　　至：What’s this? Really?

　　妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.

　　(剑从至的怀中落下)

　　妖：Magic Sword?

　　牛：Let me do this!

　　(紫跑出，拾剑)

　　紫：It’s not true! It’s just a joke. It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!

　　(紫跑下)

　　妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.

　　牛：Aaa……

　　(牛惊慌地跑下)

　　Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……

　　Chapter 2

　　Site: Bull King’s back garden

　　Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞

　　（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）

　　至：Why are you hiding here?

　　(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)

　　至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think. But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly. Because I’ve decided to tell lies, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!

　　紫：I’ll kill you if you come closer!

　　至：You should kill me! Kill me! I’d found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. I left regretful after that. It’s the ultimate pain in the world. Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate! If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words. “I love you”. If God wants to give a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!

　　（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）

　　紫：What can you tell your wife?

　　至：I have to tell her the truth. So I must get the Pandora’s Box back. Then go back with you and explain everything. But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back. I ……

　　紫：I help you!

　　至：No, it’s dangerous!

　　紫：You don’t want to?

　　至：I do! But ……

　　紫：I trust you! I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight. Wait for me here at midnight.

　　(猪喊)

　　至：Let me do something to my boss first. See you tonight.

　　（依依不舍）

　　Aside: The night ……

　　Chapter 3

　　Site: Dungeon

　　Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧

　　猪和沙：Master, master

　　(两人同时悄声说)

　　猪：We come to save you.

　　沙：We come to bring you out.

　　唐：I won’t go.

　　猪和沙：Stay here? Why?

　　唐：There’re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures. This is because we’re not united enough. So we let the devils do bad to us. That’s fine. This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me; the outside world is just a bigger prison. You go out first. I have something to tell him.

　　(猪和沙下)

　　唐：You come in and have a sit!

　　至：To be honest, I’m not your disciple. I don’t want to be your disciple. Master I know you’re a good guy. Please let me go!

　　唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong ……”?

　　至：What is “dong, dong, dong”?

　　唐：“dong, dong, dong ……” is ……

　　(唐唱Only you)

　　至：Stop. Stop. I can’t take this anymore, please stop ……

　　唐：Ohoh ……

　　至：Damn you, you … I’ve said I can’t take this anymore. Don’t disturb or I’ll kill you.

　　唐： Monkey King, you can kill me. Life and death are very minor. When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me. Namonitabhaya …

　　(至跑走)

　　Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King, and he reaches the Spiders’ Cave with the Grapes. Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.

　　The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who’s cut open won’t die at once. He can still see. So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.

　　After the Monkey King’s death, he appears in the Hole of Waterfall …

　　Chapter 4

　　Site: The Hole of Waterfall

　　Characters: 至尊宝、观音

　　至：Goddess. I’m about to understand your words. I used my eyes to see in the past. What I was dying. I started using my heart to see this world. Then I could see all things clearly. That girl …has left a drop of tear in my heart. I felt her sorrow.

　　观：Have you given up all things in human world?

　　至：Yes! Life and death is just minor! …… But I don’t understand why can human’s hatred last 10 years, 50 years, and even 500 years. What hatred is it?

　　观：So that Tang Monk went to the west and got scriptures, which clean out hearts.

　　至：OK, I want to stay here, there are many things waiting for me to do.

　　观：I want to warn you again. After wearing the gold ring, you’re no longer a normal human. You can’t have human desires anymore. If you do so, the gold ring will get smaller and smaller. It’s very uncomfortable.

　　至：OK.

　　观：Before wearing the ring, what do you want to say?

　　至：I had had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”! If there is a time limit, I hope, it is 10 thousand years.

　　搞笑英文话剧剧本【5】

　　四个人的英语剧本:Susan and Cathy

　　Susan很苗条，Cathy很胖，她们是好朋友，不过却都羡慕对方……

　　This story is about two good friends Cathy and Susan. Cathy is a very thin girl; on the other hand, Susan is a very heavy girl. Therefore Cathy and Susan want to change themselves.

　　Scene I

　　(Cathy and Susan encounter each other on a street.)

　　Cathy: Hello, Susan. How are you?

　　Susan: I’m not doing well.

　　Cathy: Why not?

　　Susan: I’m too fat. I want to lose some weights.

　　Cathy: Really? But I want to become fat.

　　Susan: Are you crazy? Being fat is a terrible thing. Look at me. My abdomen looks like a swimming belt. It is so ugly.

　　(Cathy touches Susan’s abdomen.)

　　Cathy: But it is tender and makes me feel content.

　　Susan: You’re so kind. Your words make me happy.

　　Cathy: I’m serious, no kidding.

　　Susan: God! (Touches her own forehead and sigh)

　　Why are you not me and I am not you?

　　(Susan seems to intend doing something.)

　　Susan: We don’t like our figures and want to change ourselves, we can work hard together.

　　Cathy: It sounds good. I can help you and you can help me. That’s wonderful. (Saying loudly)

　　Susan: We begin planning right away.

　　Cathy: Uh! Let’s go.

　　Scene II

　　(Firstly Cathy brings Susan to a famous store named Trust me.)

　　Servant: Welcome! Do you want to take part in our class?

　　Cathy: Yes! We will.

　　Servant: Ok!

　　Susan: Why do you take me here?

　　Cathy: I see that “Trust me, you can make it” commercial on TV. It looks great. So I want to trust it and help you become thinner.

　　Susan: Oh…! Why do you also particular in?

　　Cathy: Because we are good friends, we should do it together. (Ha! Ha!)

　　(After several days)

　　Susan: Why? It’s no use to me, but you become much thinner. (Crying)

　　Cathy: I don’t want it, too. (Crying)

　　(The two girls are very angry to look the servant.)

　　Servant: It’s not my fault. (She escapes from the store.)

　　Scene III

　　(Later, Susan takes Cathy to McDonalds.)

　　Cathy: McDonalds?

　　Susan: Fast food has high calories. It is the best food to make you fat.

　　Clerk: May I help you?

　　Susan: I want to order four hamburgers, ten drumsticks, five french fries and two cokes.

　　Clerk: What??

　　Cathy: Sorry, give us a minute. (Talks to the waiter)

　　(Cathy pulls Susan’s arm and moves to the side.)

　　Cathy: I can’t eat all of them.

　　Susan: The food is not just for you.

　　Cathy: Don’t you want to be thin?

　　Susan: Yes.

　　Cathy: You can’t eat them, because they will make you fat.

　　Susan: But I can’t oppose the attraction.

　　(Cathy gives Susan a look.)

　　Susan: Let me think.

　　(Suddenly, an angel and an evil appear.)

　　Evil: You can eat it. Anyway, you have time to lose weight.

　　Angel: If you eat them now, you would do the same thing next time. You will not lose any weight.

　　Evil: Listen to me. I’m right.

　　Angel: No, he’s wrong.

　　(Evil begins to fight against the angel.)

　　Susan: Enough! Go away! (Yells to the evil and the angel)

　　Cathy: Are you OK?

　　Susan: Uh! I decide to eat today.

　　Cathy: OK!

　　Susan: I want to order the same food that I ordered before.

　　Clerk: OK! Please wait a minute.

　　(They sit down and begin to eat.)

　　Cathy: Um…It’s so greasy. Do I have to eat this?

　　Susan: Yes, you must eat it. I can help you. (Susan takes food to stuff Cathy’s mouth.) Poor girl!!!

　　Scene IV

　　(Angel and Evil appear again.)

　　Angel: Are you sure it’s good for her?

　　Evil: If you don’t believe me, you could see the result later.

　　Angel: I hope you are right.

　　(Several weeks later, they walk along the street.)

　　Susan: I’m so hungry. I want to eat.

　　Cathy: I’m so full. I want to vomit.

　　(They hug each other and cry loudly.)

　　Cathy: I don’t want to be fat.

　　Susan: I don’t want to be thin. (They say it at the same time.)

　　(Angel takes the evil that is rope appears.)

　　Angel: You use the wrong way to achieve your purposes. You need to ask a professional nutritionist.

　　Cathy and Susan: So…! (They look at each other with some special meaning, and then catch the angel’s leg.)

　　Cathy and Susan: You must know some shortcut to help us.

　　Cathy and Susan: We won’t let you go until you help us.

　　Angel: Oh, god!!

　　(Cathy and Susan chase the angel. The evil stays there.)

　　Evil: What has happened? (Shrug)