My Mother and I
Dad had lost any purpose in life. We had to watch him getting weaker and weaker, while my mother seemed even more energetic than before.She still had a job to do—shopping, cooking and running the household. She was necessary. Dad, on the other hand, felt he wasn't much needed.
He died six years after they moved into the apartment. I think he died in self-defense.
Dad was the kindest man I have ever met.Yet, I was never able to know him as well as I wanted.He never spoke of things close to his heart. Maybe he couldn't. I know that he loved all his children. However, affection in my family was never really shown, and so I think somehow I never learned to express my love to him.
I was with Dad on the night he died.I longed to be able to sit by his bedside and say, "Dad, thank you for being so good to us. I love you, Dad." Every time I tried, I was overcome with embarrassment. I felt that even then he would think it wrong for me to share my most private feelings.
After Dad died, all of us gathered to support our mother. I'd visit her twice a day and listen while she talked about her life with my father. She kept him alive in spirit. The great thing about my mother was that she had no regrets; she was satisfied with how she and Dad had lived their lives together. I remember once, when my husband and I had been listening to her all afternoon, my mother said, as we left, "Now that I've talked to you both, I feel ten years younger."As we went down the stairs, I said to my husband, "And we feel ten years older." Yet, we were both content that she felt better.
It's all very well for me to say that Dad died in self-defense, that my mother ruled and overshadowed him. Perhaps this was what he wanted—someone to make all the decisions.Up to the very end, he respected his wife and she him. Perhaps, towards the end, he simply wanted peace.
It's only since he died that my mother has felt the need to talk about him; while he was there, her life was complete.
For the next fifteen years, my mother seemed to become even more energetic.When she was well over eighty, she thought nothing of walking for miles at a time.Too impatient to wait for the bus, my mother would start out each journeywith a serious expression on her face.
Despite my mother's fierce independence, she still admitted to being lonely. I used to say how lucky she was to have five of us children and her grandchildren going to see her so regularly. Yet, she was never pleased. In response, she just insisted that she was alone in this world, and that she had been the one to care for Dad in good times and bad.
These days, I try and focus on my mother's goodness—her energy and her strength. Contrary to what she says, I'm convinced that beneath her external anger and disappointment, my mother is a woman who doesn't know how to express her feelings either.
I guess there are still some things we both have to learn together.
我和母亲
父亲已失去了所有的生活目标。我们无奈地看着他一天天虚弱下去，倒是母亲比以前看上去更精神了。她仍有事要做——购物、烧饭、操持家务。家里样样少不了她，而父亲却觉得大家都不再需要他了。
他们搬进公寓后过了6年，父亲去世了。我想，他用死来获得解脱。
父亲是我遇到的最善良的人。但我却从没有能够像我所希望的那样充分了解他。他从不谈及他内心的东西。也许他只是不知道怎么去谈。我只知道他爱他的每一个孩子。但是，我们家的人从不真正表露对彼此的爱，所以我想在某种程度上我也从未学会如何表达我对他的爱。
他去世的那天晚上我就在他身旁。我渴望能够坐在他的床边对他说：“爸爸，谢谢你对我们这么好。我爱你，爸爸。”可每次我想说这些话的时候，都因难为情而无法开口。我觉得即使在他弥留之际，他也会认为我这样把自己内心的感受告诉别人是不妥的。 父亲去世后，我们一起去安慰母亲。我一天去看她两次，听她谈和父亲一起生活的情景。他一直活在她心里。母亲的`伟大之处在于她从不觉得有什么遗憾；她对她和父亲同甘共苦的日子感到十分满意。
记得有一次，我和丈夫听她聊了一个下午。我们走时，母亲说：“同你们俩聊聊，我觉得自己年轻了10岁。”下楼梯时，我对丈夫说：“我们可觉得自己老了10岁。”不过，能让母亲心情愉快些，我们都感到高兴。
由于一切都由母亲说了算，相比之下父亲就黯然失色了，因此我说父亲是用死来获得解脱并非言过其实。也许这正是他所想要的：凡事须有人替他做决定。即使在生命的最后时刻，他和妻子也互相尊重。或许到最后，他只是想获得平静。
直到他去世后，母亲才想到要谈谈他；只有这样她的人生才是完整的。
随后的15年，母亲好像变得越发精神了。一口气走几英里的路，对早已年过80的她来说只是小事一桩。每次等车等烦了，母亲便神情严肃地开始步行。
尽管母亲相当独立，但还是承认自己很孤独。我过去常说，她有我们这5个孩子还有孙子孙女们经常去看她是多么幸运。但她从不满意。相反，她却硬说自己在这个世上是孤身一人，只有她一人无论是顺境还是逆境都在照顾着父亲。
最近，我努力去想母亲的优点——她精力旺盛、个性坚强。与她所说的正相反，虽然表面上她常常生我们的气，好像对我们很失望，但我确信母亲其实也是一个不善于表达感情的女人。
我想有些东西还需要我们共同去学习。
Never Too Old to Live Your Dream
The first day of school, the professor, upon arrival, introduced himself to our chemistry class and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around.There she was, a little old lady smiling at me. "Hi, handsome. My name is Rose, and I'm eighty-seven years old.Can I give you a hug?"
"Of course you may!" I laughed and had to bend down for her to give me a big hug."Why are you in college at such a young age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel."
"No, seriously," I asked.I was curious as to why she was taking on such a challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop.I was often silent, listening in wonder to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the school year, Rose became popular and easily made friends wherever she went. She was humorous and lively, loved to dress up, and enjoyed getting so much attention from the other students.
At the end of the term, we invited Rose to speak at our football dinner, and I'll never forget what she taught us that night.
She was introduced and stepped up to the stage.As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three-by-five cards on the floor.A little bit embarrassed, she moved closer to the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so drunk.This wine is killing me!I'll never get my speech back in order, so let me just tell you what I know."As we laughed, she cleared her throat and began: We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playin.
There are only two secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success.
Number one: you have to laugh and find humor each and every day.
Number two: you've got to have a dream.When you lose your dreams, you die.We
have so many people walking around who are dead and they don't even know it!
There is a giant difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will still turn twenty years old.If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything, I will still turn eighty-eight.Anyone can grow older—that doesn't take any talent or ability.The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change.
Moreover, I advise you to have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what they did, but rather, for the things they did not do.The only people who fear death are those with regrets.
Rose finally obtained the college degree she began all those years ago, and one week after graduation, she died peacefully in her sleep.
Shortly after that, over two thousand college students attended her funeral.We all came to honor the wonderful woman who taught by example that you're never too old to live your dream.
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