untitled英语诗歌(3)

　　Could there have been a frost already?

　　Lifting my head to look, I found that it was moonlight.

　　Sinking back again, I thought suddenly of home.

　　(Tr. Witter Bynner)

　　第一句月亮没出来,把它安排在第三句,还FOUND,显得很多余.第2句我认为翻译的很贴切,有种淡淡的惊讶( MILDLY STARTLED ),而且把"霜"写的很真实,衬托出了"疑似".最后一句与原诗差异较大,李白应该是没躺回去.另外SUDDENLY感觉有些ABRUPT.思乡之情我感觉应该是像月光一样缓缓在夜色下流淌的.

　　Night Thoughts

　　I wake, and moonbeams play around my bed,

　　Glittering like hoar-frost to my wandering eyes;

　　Up towards the glorious moon I raise my head,

　　Then lay me down---and thoughts of home arise.

　　( Tr. Herbert A. Giles)

　　有关题目的翻译,这是第一个出来"思"(THOUGHT)的.但综观全诗,重点是对月光的描写,而非直接描写思想活动,所以翻成NIGHT THOUGHTS感觉有些太直白,而且没有把握住本诗重在"静夜",和不是"思",思乡之情全因月色而起.用ON A TRANQUIL NIGHT之类的点到为止就很好了.第一句的"play around"大杀风景,把原诗恬淡,静谧的气氛彻底搅乱. " wandering eyes"也与意境不符,作者应该是若有所思地专注的看着"地上霜",而不是WANDERING. 最后的LAY ME DOWN也是原文里没有提到的.( HE MUST BE OBSESSED WITH GETTING LAID )

　　The Moon Shines Everywhere

　　Seeing the moon before my couch so bright

　　I thought hoar frost had fallen from the night.

　　On her clear face I gaze with lifted eyes:

　　Then hide them full of Youth's sweet memories.

　　(Tr. W.J.B. Fletcher)

　　题目就不说了,TOO FAR-FETCHED:/ 前三句可以说是翻得很好(除了那个HER的指代不是很清楚外),但是第4句MAKES THE WHOLE POEM FALL ON ITS FACE.